Kids notice random things and they ask SOOOOOOOOOO many questions. Sometimes the questions are never ending but that’s a good thing. They are thinking and learning. Once in a while it’s fun to ask them, “What do you think?” then “Why do you think that?” Praise guesses and reasoning when they’re wrong but not falsely. You can offer, ” I can see why you might think that.” or, “That makes sense.” then maybe offer some clues if their answer is not correct. Before you offer to supply the answer, ask. “Do you want me to tell you or do you want to think some more?” Kids need to learn it’s OK to be wrong and that thinking and venturing a guess is always good.
When our kids were young we passed an ice cream stand. It was the end of the season and the flavor of the day was posted as “potpourri” because the store was clearing out their various flavors. Our son tried to read the flavor (I don’t remember what he guessed.) when our daughter turned to him and in her most authoritative big sister voice corrected him. “NO, that’s not __________. It says POT PARTY!” Sorry, I couldn’t help it and I laughed out loud. I was surprised and amused. It was a good guess from both of them but not quite accurate. To this day I don’t know if she even knew what a pot party was, but we now laugh at the story. At age 32 she now knows what “pot” is. Has she been to a party? I don’t know.
There are times, however, when they ask questions that feel uncomfortable or inappropriate at the time to answer due to the age of the child or the nature of the question. Questions like, “Why are those two men or women kissing/holding hands/have their arms around each other?” can cause us to pause in an awkward silence. In a previous post I spoke briefly about developing empathy in our children. When answering questions that seem unanswerable at the time, remember, simplicity is best. We don’t want our children to condemn others for their love interests or think that something is wrong about them so a short answer like, “Because they love each other,” is more than acceptable. Delivered in a matter-of-fact way, we tell the truth and answer the question without more detail than is needed. Many times that will be that but if the questions persist use the KISS principle. “Keep it simple, silly.” “Just the facts, ma’am (or sir). If the questions persist to the point that you don’t think it’s appropriate to answer keep in mind “I don’t know” is always an option.
Our young ones pick up on EVERYTHING, not just our words but our tone and manner. If they see that we are uncomfortable, they will learn that there is something wrong with their question or the concept and that could create a negative interpretation of what they see. I hope we want them to accept people for who they are and to learn that differences among us are good and natural and we can learn from one another. (Some of us adults could do well to keep this in mind too.) Our children live in a far different world of information access than we had when we were young. (technology is obsolete once it’s sitting on the shelf waiting to be sold) Kids may ask all kinds of questions of home devices like Alexa and the like but YOU are the most important teacher your child will ever have . You probably want to be the first source of information for your children. My young children were playing with an anatomy program on which I thought I had turned on the privacy feature to disallow sexual content. I was painting a ceiling when I heard the program ask, Do you want to know how Adam uses his penis and Eve uses her vagina to make a baby? Crap. I yelled, “no” and got off the ladder faster than I’ve ever gotten off of a ladder before. I SUCCESSFULLY set the privacy feature this time and simply told my kids that I didn’t want them to learn about that from a computer and if they wanted to know, to come ask their dad or me. They were totally uninterested. WHEW!
What they learn from you is probably what they will keep in their mind and hearts for a lifetime. Let’s make our answers to their questions are empathetic, simple, honest, and accepting.
For more information about this topic, you may want to read the following article:
http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/004005990403700108
How do you handle discussing questions with your children that make you feel uncomfortable? Please share your experiences in the comments. We’d like to learn from you.
POSITIVE KIDS 