Why are His Hands so Dirty?

My mother tells the story of the first time I saw a person of color when I was very young. The person was someone we had seen while we were out shopping or something and I not so quietly blared, “Why are his hands so dirty?” (I was a curious very young child.) and I embarrassed my mother greatly. I was probably wondering about the dirt because as kids we were always told to wash our hands and my parents checked our hands to see that we had done so. I was keenly aware of hand cleanliness and I guess I must have had high standards. LOL

In today’s society we encounter a wide variety of skin tones, physical abilities, appearances, variations in so many different areas of human appearance that it is totally natural for children to ask questions when they see someone whose appearance, for whatever reason, isn’t like the appearance of others in their world. What IS unnatural is to give our children the notion that there is something wrong with an individual’s difference(s) in how they look.

When I not so discretely inquired of the “dirty hands”, my mother simply told me that some people have darker skin than ours and that his hands weren’t dirty but were just a different color. That was that. That is all that needed to be said. The answer was direct, factual, and non-judgmental just as it should have been. Had I continued questioning why, a simple factual answer might have been, “Because people in different parts of the world have different skin tones. Families of darker people once lived in areas where the sun was strong so their skin had to protect them from it. Darker skin is better protected from the sun that light skin.”

Different abilities: Questions about people using wheel chairs and various other assistance tools can be answered in the same manner. Asking about wheelchairs, for instance, can be addressed by responding, “because the person can’t walk so they have a special chair that lets them get around. Isn’t that great that they can have that to help them?” Later, follow up discussion can also be a great teacher. “What do think it would be like to not be able to use your legs and have a wheelchair to help you get around?” (building empathy and acceptance) “Can you think of some ways people in wheelchairs might need help from people who walk?” “How could you help someone if they needed your help?” “Remember to ask before you help if the person wants assistance.” Of course, parents need not ask all of these questions or use these exact words. Let the conversation occur naturally. If the child is satisfied by your first response that can be the end of the discussion and at a future time other ideas related to that topic might be appropriate to talk about.

Children who are differently-abled are very frequently the targets of bullies. Life in school can be miserable for those youth and the negative effects of the bullying can last a lifetime. These victims need other children to be their advocates and if children have developed an understanding and empathy for these children, they are more likely to be advocates. How can they learn to be advocates for and accepting of all different children?

BOOKS! BOOKS! BOOKS!

MAYBE because of my background as a reading specialist, I strongly suggest books written for children about those with disabilities. It’s a great way to introduce the topic and create a natural environment for discussion. If you’ve shared books featuring a rich diversity of people, perhaps your child will understand people using various equipment when they’re in public and not view someone in a wheelchair, for example, as someone to be feared. Where or where can you find these books? Take your kids to the library to find Your local library is an excellent resource and it’s free!

For more information: (read the introduction and the conclusion unless you’re interested in statistics) https://publikasiilmiah.ums.ac.id/bitstream/handle/11617/10080/ICCE%20Proceeding%20FULL%20rev06062018_50.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y