Not-So Terrible Twos

HAHAHAHAHAHA you thought YOU were in charge at your house? Your toddler begs to differ. While “NO” seems to be the word of the day, you can solve that problem pretty easily by giving your young ones a choice. They want to exert their independence but they obviously can’t be allowed to run the house.

What’s a parent/caregiver to do? Simple! Give choices when ever possible. Instead of mandating, “Go to bed” and then fighting about it for who knows how long, try, “Do you want to go to bed now or in ten minutes?” (whatever time you want to give) There is a good chance the choice will be in 10 minutes but the choice will have been determined by the toddler, hence giving her/him control. Once the choice is made, make sure you set a timer and announce the countdown so the little one isn’t taken by surprise when the time is over. This is but one example but the principle can used in many different situations.

I remember walking behind my daughter when she was a tot. She’d chosen her own clothes (as she did on most days) and was feeling very fine, thank you very much. I was thinking I wished I had a camera to show her her clownish choices when she was older and I just laughed a little out loud but mostly to myself. When wardrobe matters, and on that particular day it didn’t, for example, giving easy choices like, “Do you want to wear this or that?” are a good alternative when free range choices are not an option. Allowing the child to make the decision instead of being dictated to will reap abundant rewards when the child is older–even during the teen years. Nobody wants to be told what to do and most of us want to make our own choices. Our children are no different. We all want our children to grow up being able to make their own good decisions and allowing these decision making opportunities from a young age will give a child a feeling of autonomy. I used to joke that I would ask my kids, “Do you want to eat your broccoli or have me cut your thumbs off?” They both still have their thumbs.

Psychology Today has a great article about giving kids choices and explains the benefits and circumstances under which kids making choices can be rewarding. Remember: your child WANTS AND NEEDS structure. They will test your boundaries so it’s critical to be consistent. A stronger sense of security develops when youth (of any age) know what the limits are and who have parents who enforce them. Be consistent. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/joyful-parenting/201602/5-guidelines-giving-kids-choices

How do you give your child choices? What works for you? Please let us know in the comments.