Many school children are home now for the winter holidays including Christmas. When they return to school after the beginning of the year there will be so much chatter about who got what from Santa. It’s exciting to share and compare but sometimes the comparison can lead to feelings of sadness as the children from less economically advantaged homes wonder why they weren’t as loved by Santa as their peers. In my teaching career I have heard children lament that they must have been bad because Santa only brings toys to “good” children, right? (Such exchanges with our students encourage so many of us teachers to give “Santa” gifts to families who would otherwise not have them. Numerous organizations can also be counted on to save the day for families but not every child is able to be reached.)
A friend of mine from the gym explained that he and his wife have never let their 5 year-old believe in Santa. She has known from the time she could understand that the gifts were from Mommy and Daddy. Their belief is that honesty will keep her from being let down or feeling left out when other children’s gifts exceed the perceived value of hers.
What is the answer to these two very different celebrations of Christmas for parents who are seeking to build compassion and empathy in their children? We have families who attribute most if not all gift giving from Santa and others who attribute nothing to Santa. Is one way of celebrating Christmas right? Is way one wrong? That’s up to the families to decide. One excellent compromise that I wish I had heard when my kids were wee tots is that Santa brings one or X numbers of toys and the parents and other family members give the rest. I would have adopted that story because it is so much fun for some of us to keep Santa alive and see our children eagerly anticipate his arrival. Santa is what so many of us grew up thinking about Christmas and the idea of Santa is certainly a tale perpetuated in the media. It’s also a way to make Christmas more inclusive for less fortunate youth.
No matter how a family chooses to celebrate, there will still be comparisons between classmates of the numbers and kinds of toys each has received so if you child receives X numbers of toys and you give the rest you can easily explain that YOU asked Santa to do so in order that more children could get presents for Christmas. My mother would take us on a journey through the Sears toy catalog and she explained that the prices indicated how many hours it took Santa’s elves to make a toy. She wanted us to be considerate of Santa’s time and cautioned that if we asked for too many hours of toys that Santa might be disappointed because he couldn’t have his elves spend that many hours on one child because there were so many others for whom he had to make toys, after all. That wasn’t a bad idea either.
There is no right or wrong way to share the spirit of love and giving in a family but there are ways to make Christmas more inclusive for children whose families can and can’t afford extravagant gift giving. Maybe re-framing our tales of Santa to our to children might be something to consider.
Has your family grappled with how or whether or not to introduce Santa into Christmas celebrations? What was your decision? What did you consider when making the choice? Please share your stories.
POSITIVE KIDS 